guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I met the friendliest cop last night
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
where are my eyebrows?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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