Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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