please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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