Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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