Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
