Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
