So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
