I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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