she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
