Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
