He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and she was petting her beer can
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
