My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
