She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
