And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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