just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
