It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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