ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
