Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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