This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
