You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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