i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
