Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The power of my boobs compel you
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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