i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
