idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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