brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
