Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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