So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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