I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
