Yo dont text me then not text me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
