If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
