Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
