he wants to bone in the snuggie
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just sucked dick on a ferry
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
