Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
