I forgot how hot balto sounded
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
