Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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