I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I faked an abortion last night.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
