I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just blew my weed a kiss
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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