Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Did you just see the Batmobile???
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Randomize
