she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Found your dick twin last night
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize
