Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
areolas are like halos for boobs.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
