please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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