Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
