there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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