My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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