would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Text me some of your sweat
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
