i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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