hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
