Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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