This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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