things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
