$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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