then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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