I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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