I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
