I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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