So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
