Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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